Derpibooru

Have I got a treat for you today. And by “you”, I mean all the adult men out there who want to have sex with a horse toy invented for little girls. Yeah, I’m talking about bronies and the object of their obsession, My Little Pony. Until the other day, I didn’t even realize that anything like DerpiBooru.org even existed.

I’m not usually this late to the party, especially one that gets nearly 3.5 million visits a month, but I guess that’s because I usually go to parties where there are women. Now, I’m not saying every single horse-fucker on this website is a fat neckbeard living in his mom’s basement and playing with some of the girliest toys imaginable, but have you looked in a mirror lately? Yeah, I bet they all look like you.

Your Best Friends Are All Perverts

It says right in the title of the show that Friendship Is Magic. That’s some cheesy feel-good bullshit designed for prepubescent girls, but it seems like the bronies really take it seriously. I guess if there’s one thing that could be said about you weirdos, at least you occasionally have the balls to hold real-life meetups, the photos, and pictures of which instantly become Internet cringe comedy gold. You fucking know it, and you do it anyway. That’s a pretty serious commitment to your brony homeboys.

DerpiBooru is another serious fucking commitment. It’s not rocket science to set up a booru-style imageboard, but it does take time, effort and resources. Not only has some team of completely well-adjusted fat guys built the site, but they also have a very active community constantly posting My Little Pony content.

Most of the sites I review for The Porn Dude are just full of hardcore porn and nothing else. DerpiBooru is fucking weird because you can adjust the filters to only show kid-friendly material. Why is this a thing? Do parents seriously let their kids hang out on neckbeard websites full of amateur drawings of anthropomorphic horses sucking each other off, hoofing each other in their assholes, and engaging in vile interspecies animal sex that violates the very laws of nature?

You may be able to use the filters to block the overtly sexual content here, but there’s absolutely no blocking the subtle, defiantly sexual subtext that lurks behind every seemingly innocent picture of a cute pink horse, shivering in fear. Why’s the poor girl shaking? Is it because there’s a hairy, overweight man with bad hygiene shaking his smegma-covered micropenis at her? Again, look in the mirror, because we both know the answer to that question.

Family Fun for All, Plus Cartoon Horse Porn

As a scholar devoted strictly to the erotic arts, I wish there was a filter to keep the kid-friendly stuff off the main screen. They’ve got a variety of filters that hide the porn, the spoilers, and the “dark and grotesque” images, but nothing to block out the boring shit. I’m here for the freak show, goddammit!

Like any imageboard in this style, the front page is just a constantly updated stream of My Little Pony content created by DerpiBooru’s enthusiastic user base of bronies. These motherfuckers are prolific. Linger on the site for a few minutes, refresh the page, and you’ll have new amateur drawings of prancing ponies, pregnant ponies who have become so overinflated they can’t move at all, ponies posing in cute dresses and other ponies posing naked with their huge twats and wrinkled assholes exposed and leaking. There’s also a pony cutely scowling at something while frolicking in an apple orchard.

The very existence of all the G-rated content on DerpiBooru exposes the truth: bronies really do love these goddamn kid horses. It’s not just a sexual obsession, some weirdo jacking off while watching a cartoon about animal friendship. It’s a crush, nay, a burning love that can never be requited. These poor men will never be able to marry their true loves, but if there is one consolation, it is that the toys are widely available and can be brought home with basically no effort. Then again, they weren’t designed with fucking in mind so good luck finding a decent entry.

DerpiBooru runs on Patreon donations, which is more evidence that these perverts are truly in love with Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie pie and the whole My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic gang. You don’t get access to any extra shit with your donation, which is cool for the cheapskates who live with mom and have no source of income. I assume that’s most of the users here. They’ve got almost 300 patrons right now out of their millions of visitors, offering up a little over a grand. They must have spent all their money on children’s toys.

Chat with Your Fellow Brony Man-Children

The imageboard is the most noticeable part of DerpiBooru for visitors. It’s kind of hard to miss the transsexual ponies groping each other, masturbating and squirting hot horse cum all over the fucking place, nor the BBW horse broad in distress because some rapey looking monster is lurking behind her, nor the photographs some brony posted of his superhero action figures fucking his My Little Pony dolls. The community here is active as fuck, though, and there’s a lot of action in the discussion forums.

A lot of imageboards have areas meant for people to talk about things, but they’re usually ghost towns. Most of the forums here have had new posts within the last 20 minutes.

I checked out the General discussion area since it seemed to have the most going on, with nearly 4000 active topics. The newest thread was about posting your favorite images. Do you know what’s really fucking bizarre? Barely any of them are explicit at all. One absolute pervert posted a drawing of a pony strip club orgy, but everyone else’s favorite is some really girly, boring shit. There are big-eyed ponies crying, flying, looking adorably angry or rising slowly out of a hole in a way that would almost be erotic were it not a goddamn cartoon pony without genitals.

More My Little Pony Erotica Than I’ve Ever Seen!

The Fanfiction board, though, is another fucking story. Almost every thread here is tagged with NSFW. The stories have evocative names like Satan’s Bitch, Sexorcism, Sisterly Love and Equestia’s Fall to Lust. I read one post this week called There’s No Presents, Not This Christmas NSFW.

The story starts off with a bunch of cartoon ponies, dragons, and a Griffin. Somebody starts masturbating by rubbing herself between the legs with a balloon. The dragon sucked a hot and hard horn on a bug all evening until midnight, and there was some other really vague, one-sentence sex between the bug, the reptile, the pony, the cow, and two birds.

It’s a fucking terrible story, just one paragraph with basically no detail. The author did take the time to pull a bunch of visibly relevant, but not remotely sexual, screengrabs from the show.

I checked out more stories and was surprised to find most of them were like this. Usually, if you find a thriving lit erotica board, it’s full of well-written smut about absolutely obscene shit. This shit is absolutely obscene, but it’s so sloppy and short I have to wonder if it’s written by the demographic My Little Pony is actually aimed at. It’s so vague, I have a difficult time imagining anybody could possibly get off to it.

DerpiBooru.org (often misspelled as "derpybooru") is a weird fucking place, but I’m sure the bronies who frequent it already know that. If not, I’m sure your parents have tried to take your fedora and convince you this shit ain’t normal, but your autism hasn’t let that get through. It’s obviously not a site that everyone is going to get something out of, but it’s also obvious that the users here are really into their animated horses. If you’re into My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, and also happen to be a pervert who wants to have sex with cartoon animals, you’re definitely going to love DerpiBooru.