Erotelki

So much porn is getting made these days. I do what I can for myself and my perverted brethren of readers, but even I can’t keep up on everything. Despite my best efforts, thousands of porn websites slip my grip every day.

Many aggregate sites attempt to wrangle the mighty porn beast into submission. They catalog and organize a vast swath of filth every minute. It’s in these places you can hunt amongst the chaos in search of that perfect fuck video.

Those sites often try to do too much by amassing too wide a range of content. Teens, feet, step-siblings, and trannys all get stuffed under one roof. I want to find a video of the venus sisters juggling ham and cheese sandwiches with their pussies. Instead, I wade through 1000s of videos of people just fucking.

That’s where themed compilation sites come in. Let’s put a fence around this pasture so we pigs can graze in peace. Erotelki has done just that, albeit not with pussy juggling. They have put together a collection of the best high art porn the internet has available for download.

JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS

Artsy porn has been around since the early days of nude photographs. It’s always been a great way to convince a model her pussy is more than a plaything for degenerates and perverts. I bet Michelangelo had no idea what he was helping to build. Now highfalutin art society means dumb bitches get naked easier. I think he would agree with me that that’s his most significant legacy.

Erotelki is a tube-based site focused on downloads. They copy some of the aesthetic from other popular tube sites. Though it’s not the URL, the site is titled “Protube.” The tube is boxed out like the ubiquitous pornhubs “hub” is. They take the same gunmetal grey for their menu background also.

From there, Erotelki breaks away from looking like its namesake. We get a search bar high in the right corner. Below that is a small menu with the options Register, statistics, contact, and RSS 2.0. Down the left side are all the websites from which they cull their material. That menu is my preferred method of getting around the site.

Taking the menu from left to right, first, we have the register. You can go ahead and skip this altogether. It appears that log-ins will be something they add in future updates. Hopefully, when debuted, it will give us access to things like favorite folders and history.

NUMBERS GAME

Statistics has been a part of my jerking off since I was a young lad. I like to calculate things like my S.U.C.K (strokes until cock kums), D.A.B.S (distance achieved by sperm.), and T.I.T.S (total inches traveled by stroke). My averages, respectively, are 3, from my dining room table to the kitchen sink, and 26.2 miles. That’s daily, if you’re wondering.

Due to the lack of registered profiles, one can assume they are not tracking user averages. These are elementary site statistics. I’ve personally never wondered about the traffic on any porn site I visit while I’m jerking, but I must care when I visit as part of my job. Outside of professionals, I’m not sure who this information is directed at. I thank them for making my job a tiny bit easier, though. In case you’re wondering, 119349 items are posted on the homepage. That’s 36 a day, 236 a week, and 987 a month. Please don’t expect these kinds of numbers on everything I review.

You can make contact with the developers without going far. Shoot them an email if you would like to ask them yourself what’s up with the statistics.

RSS 2.0 is all the HTML jargon used to create the site. If you’re a web developer looking to get into porn, you might learn something. If you’re trying to beat off to a clit picture deserving of a frame, I don’t imagine you care.

The vertical menu to the left is where the real magic happens. Things split into pictures and videos. They collect content from all the famed art porn sites, plus a few you haven’t heard of. They have all your Met-arts, beautiful nudes, and Hegre-arts of the world.

IT’S NOT ART ANYWAYS

They also include sites that I wouldn’t call artsy, but they happen to use the same cameras that art sites use. Places like In the Crack and Exclusive Teen Porn. These cameras let you see a bitch’s heartbeat under her pussy hood. They’re the kind of camera that enables you to see a fingerprint of the dude that finger blasted her last week. These are all details I deem critical.

As you get to clicking, you’ll see that the thumbnails display like magazine covers. They have titles, and many have descriptions that appear like articles in Vogue. Worry not; there are no articles to see here. Just pussy delivered so crystal clear you can see the moment of conception.

Download pages have up to three options. Usually, there are Ex-load, Turbobit, and Uploaded. You may have to register to use those utilities. They generally have a free and premium option but monetize themselves by throttling the free service. I love having my bits throttled, but “not like this. Not like this.”

There is room for comments, but since the log-in function is not working yet, no comments have accrued. Comments are an essential tool on download sites, so hopefully, they have it up soon.

All the content on Erotelki is top-notch. The best part of art sites is the quality of the models they get in the studio. These are the hottest bitches willing to get naked on camera. Any of them would be home on a runway or in a copy of Elle. It takes me back to days of yore and stealing my mother’s fashion mags and hand lotion. I had no idea then I would be able to look at the same caliber of woman naked with her pussy lips pried apart.

LADY LABIA

I was able to find a few packets from the front page that are of note. Alba’s “Lady Labia” was a big favorite. She stays true to her namesake as her labia is quite gorgeous. Darina N’s “soft Temptations” tempted me into being hard. If only I could have been the inflated yard furniture she was mounting. Sofi Vega’s “Horny Everywhere” has me getting horny everywhere indeed. That’s what I get for spending time in line at the grocery store looking at porn on my phone.

Despite some of its unfinished features, Erotelki is a fantastic site. You’re not going to get more pixels packed into porn than with art porn. I think they use the same cameras national geographic uses to photograph paramecium. I could see what a bitch had for lunch through her birth canal. I’m so happy I waited to be born until now.

Along the same lines, artsy shit has the best pussy in porn. They must convince these bitches that flashing pussy will be good for their careers. I guarantee Gisele Bundchen never flicked the bean in front of a canon. Don’t tell these cunts that, though. The tits displayed by Qualin in Club Seventeens’ “Home Schooling” are too good to miss. We can’t have the likes of Esquire taking that away from us.

The complaints I’m going to have about Erotelki are probably already obvious. They are so close to having designed a finished website. Why is it not done yet? There is even an empty banner chalked out up top. It looks highly unprofessional.

A download site without log-in, comments, and voting is hobbled. I want to know content is safe and enjoyable before I spend an hour downloading it.

Displaying thumbnails beside the front cover would be helpful. These art porns can be anything from a naked bitch on the beach to well-lit 69ing under a birch tree. The cover photo does not always make clear which is which.

Almost nothing on the menu is essential. Erotelki could scrap it altogether and start a new one. I’m the only person who will care about site statistics. No one has a cock in one hand and a calculator in the other.

Erotelki has one of the best collections of high-brow porn on the internet. They carry content from all the best art porn websites. Whether you want to sip wine while you wank or count the hairs on a bitches pussy, this is the place for you.